


I Should Have Said It

by Cherie_Berrie



Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Dialogue, Character Study, Complete, During Canon, F/M, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Mild Language, Mutual Pining, POV Third Person, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21982327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherie_Berrie/pseuds/Cherie_Berrie
Summary: Throughout the time that Aloy and Erend meet and got to know each other, there were a lot of things that went unsaid between them. Even right up until the final battle. What would they have said, if given the chance? What would happen if they did get that chance, and took that step?Chapter 1 is canon through Erend's POV with non-canon pre-game background. Chapter 2 is canon through Aloy's POV with non-canon pre-game background, Chapter 3 is post canon, 3rd person POV. This only has moments in the game when they were together for major plot points for chapter 1 and 2.
Relationships: Aloy/Erend (Horizon: Zero Dawn)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 54





	1. Through the Eyes of Erend

**Author's Note:**

> So, as stated in the summary, chapters 1 and 2 are all in-game content between the two for major plot points. These chapters are not dialogue heavy. Chapter 3, post canon, will be original dialogue with 3POV introspect balanced. <3

When I was 19, Ersa was 21. We were so young and naive, we thought we knew everything. I chased after girls with many brutal rejections while men flocked to her and left with broken noses. Our father was disgustingly sweet to our mother, especially in public, and we made a promise to each other that if either of us ever acted that way, we were allowed to the offender other within an inch of their life. A promise sealed in spit and soot. It was a nice life until King Jiran’s insanity reached its peak. Our father had died in a raid protecting us, mother lived only to endure a slow healing wound. Ersa had said she would never watch this happen again. Our mother always called us her little soldiers… she always said how much I reminded her of him, our father… but now that he was gone, I could tell it hurt her. So I stayed out of the house as much as possible. 

Mother became head of our clan much to the distaste of the ealdorman, and the entire clan stuck behind her. Even when they tried to appoint me, the clan followed our mother. She was so much stronger than I was and Ersa took after her. Their spirits never broke. They were still sad, outwardly crying sometimes out of nowhere. I didn’t understand at the time that showing emotions, admitting to feeling weak, was strength. I never resented my mother or Ersa. I believed they would change the tides, make the Claim and the world a better place.

Since our father had been our previous leader, the eldest son was to be next unless another family stepped up and was voted to lead. I was their only son, and I wasn’t fit to lead. Not while I followed Ersa like a puppy or when she constantly had to bail me out of situations I couldn’t talk or bribe myself out of. I was trying to be normal… to act normal… like he wasn’t gone and the raids had never hit our small, insignificant forge on the edge of the Claim. I tried to act like it was a bad dream and I would wake up soon, but the truth never hides long.

Another raid hit us only a month after our father had been alloyed into my earring. It was a sneak attack at night and the freebooters had been concentrated in another clan, closer to Mainspring. Mother was killed in her sleep, Ersa was taken from her bed, and I was left on the floor, beaten and bloodied until they thought I was dead. They should have fucking checked if they didn’t want me to return the favor.

Half a year later, I got the weirdest letter I’d ever gotten in my life. I didn’t get letters often, I wasn’t the head of our clan. That was Flick, not me. He was older, stronger, and had nothing left for the Carja to take, not to mention the clan agreed I wasn’t suited for the job. It was a letter from one of Mad Jiran’s sons, Avad. He said that not only was Ersa alive, she was a slave. I saw nothing but red and I plotted so many ways to kill him in less than a heartbeat my head spun. In his letter, this Carja prince said not to do anything rash. To act like this letter never happened for fear of Ersa’s life. I weighed the options and I finally agreed with him. She was all I had left… if she was alive and obviously being taken care of by someone who wasn't on Jiran's side, there wasn’t much I could do. I hated it. If I stormed Meridian, she would die. If I tried to hire what Freebooters were left around our forge, I knew they wouldn’t take the risk to save one person over the entire Claim, no matter how many shards I had… which wasn’t a lot. So I joined them. I needed the money and taking my wrath out on the attacking Carja felt better than endless brew. 

A year and a half after that one letter, word of a woman traveling with a Carja man flew fast and I sure as hell wasn’t going to wait around. I tracked them down and instantly had the Carja man on the ground with the blade of my axe above his chest. He looked so terrified I almost laughed. Then Ersa came out of nowhere and clocked me with a good right hook, knocked me out cold. When I came to, I was in front of a fire somewhere in the woods. Definitely outside the Claim. Ersa was on the other side of the flames, talking quietly to the Carja with little smiles. I rushed to her, I was so happy to see her that I fell to my knees, crying into her lap. It felt like the dumbest thing to do at the time, but I was overwhelmed. I wanted to say so many things. _I love you, I’m sorry, I should have tried harder, It should have been me._ But nothing came out. I looked at her and realized something was off. She was thin, extremely thin. In her eyes was that defiant and triumphant look she always had, but her cheeks were hollow and her lips were dry as the desert she’d crossed to come home. I looked over to the Carja man and realized he wasn’t what I’d expected. He was lean and not heavily armored like those who were sent by Jiran. He was well groomed and his posture was relaxed. He looked back at me meekly and held out his hand. Avad. This was Avad. He explained their incredible story of escape, he had apparently been as much of a prisoner as Ersa, but I more than disagreed.

“You watched her starve. You let her get hurt. You’re so full of _shit_!!!!” I remember yelling at him before Ersa punched me again, this time in the gut to knock the air out of me. She told the rest of the story and what she planned to do next. She was going to rally every Freebooter in and out of the Claim, as well as every rebel Carja, and save Meridian from Jiran’s grip. I hadn’t expected that, but I was ready to fight a war worth something, even though I was just 21. Secretly, I was ready to die in this impossible war we were going to start, but I would never let those words out either. 

In less than a month, the full plan of attack was solid with enough Oseram and Carja to combat what was left of Jiran’s sad army. Avad was key to the whole plan. He told us how to get in, where to be in the dark, where to be cautious. I had had so many doubts about him, but he really came through. He was kind and laughed quieter than us, obviously, but still pretty loud for a Carja. He didn’t act like a prince either, ready to be on the front line with Ersa and I. Avad was a lot of things I hadn’t expected, but the biggest surprise was that he was my friend. He had become like a brother to me in such a short time, it was a bit crazy. Everything was crazy then, but still. He showed me a lot of different ways to be a man, to be strong… He always showed emotion. He cried if he was overwhelmed. He laughed when something was stupid or funny. He was sullen when he thought of how to take down his own father. He was just a few years older than Ersa, but he looked younger than all of us… I could never pin him down as a person. He had too many sides of him to count, if that makes sense. 

After the Liberation of Meridian, I watched him kill Jiran… and there was no pleasure in his face. If anything, Avad looked disappointed, grief-stricken, and almost apologetic. I’m no poet, but I’m sure a whole scroll could have been written about that moment. 

Meridian accepted Avad as their Sun King and celebrated their new freedom for weeks! The parties were amazing. Their beer was awful, but their food was incredible. When things calmed down, diplomacy was the first thing Avad wanted. He appointed Ersa as Captain of the Vanguard, an Oseram army that would live in Meridian and be at Avad’s disposal, personally. When he told the world he trusted us with his life more than his own people… it didn’t go over well. Meridian was divided and the Claim was outraged at first. After about a year, everyone calmed down and the Oseram and the Carja became allies, with Ersa forging the path of course. I was her second, but that didn’t really mean much. I was so proud of her though. I should have told her, bowed at her fucking feet and told her how much she meant to me. But I didn’t. 

About two years later, just after I turned 24, I was stuck with the job of traveling beyond the Sundom with Sun Priest Irid. He was sent with a letter to the isolated tribe in the east; The Nora. I had heard stories about the Nora… many with harsh words of savagery and ignorance. After meeting Avad and becoming his best friend, I wasn’t ready to let anyone form an opinion for me. I wanted to see for myself exactly what kind of people lived in that backwater forest. I grabbed Olin and had him scout ahead with a few shards to sweeten the deal. The Nora had closed the gates after the Red Raids and I would have done the same, so I needed eyes before I left. I wasn't about to travel blind. 

As it turned out, they were actually pretty smart. Strong willed, community oriented, and three old ladies to lead them. They used what they had at their disposal to the best. Machines were hunted skillfully and used for more than just armor. Animals were used down to the very marrow of their bones. The land was used to grow what they could where they could. It was interesting but not enough to stop me from doing my job. When Irid was jeered at, fruit and rocks started to fly. I ran interception, explaining as calmly as I could that I got it. I knew where they were coming from. So many of their tribe had been taken and murdered, but my clan was hurt too. Even my sister was taken from me. It was only because of Avad that she was alive and that Meridian was free. Avad had to murder his own father to stop the madness. I watched the faces in the crowd stare back in horror and I knew I had them in the palm of my hand. I asked them to please let Irid read the letter and they obliged. Well, they were quiet and didn’t throw anything. When the feel of the crowd shifted, I left the stage to find Olin. 

He was easy enough to find with that dumb orange light on the side of his head, but when I found him, he was speaking with the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I’d seen a lot of ‘em, Carja and Oseram alike, but absolutely nothing compared to her. I slipped next to him and looked her over. Her hair was straight from the forge, her eyes were curious but cautious. Her body was well trained and she held herself with a kind of confidence that reminded me so much Ersa. She was sarcastic, straight forward, and witty… not like any of the Nora I had met since our arrival. I thought I was slick when Olin slipped away and threw a few flirty lines at her, but she just let them float away. She eventually pulled information out of me about Meridian, the Red Raids, the Vanguard, even my own sister. She explained why she didn't know much about the wars, that she was an outcast. I didn’t know what the details were, but I knew what result probably was. Not only was she out of the loop, but she probably felt as uncomfortable there as I did. I saw the blue light on the side of her face… she had the same trinket Olin did. It was beautiful on her, and I know it sounded dumb, but I let it slip out. She wasn’t impressed. Instead we talked about armor and Meridian, Oseram versus Carja versus Nora. I told her that everyone was welcome in Meridian, even her. It would be a whole new life for her. She deserved more than… whatever the hell being an outcast in a forest had done to her.

Either way, I learned that she was going to compete in something called the ‘Proving’ the next day, which turned out to be a huge rite of passage for the tribe. If the Nora gambled, I would have put all my shards on her, Aloy. Her name was Aloy. Perfect for her. She was straight from the forge, smelted from more than just steel and iron. She was something different entirely, but pieces of something familiar still floated around her. I wanted to tell her that her name was very Oseram and ask her if she was sure she was Nora, given her blunt speech and engaging questions with a thirst for knowledge I had only seen delvers emit. But I didn’t. 

I watched her throughout the blessing ceremony and for just a few moments she looked sad before releasing the lantern. Afterwards, she asked me what I thought of the ceremony and I told her about fireworks until I realized that that wasn’t the time. I looked up to the floating lanterns and admitted to myself that they were beautiful in a graceful way that reminded me of the Carja new year. I should have said that instead. When she said she needed to rest for the competition, I should have rooted her on. I should have asked Irid and Olin to wait one more day, to watch Aloy win. But I didn’t. 

On our way out the next day, we heard horrible screams and explosions from the side of the mountain; the place where the Proving was taking place. Where Aloy was. My heart ached and I was extremely confused. I didn’t know her, but now I would never get the chance to learn what was behind that pretty face and that hair of fire. It was selfish to focus on one girl when an entire generation of Nora had just lost their lives to some unknown enemy, but she was all I could think about. 

Soon, a few Nora Braves were rushing us to the gates. They confirmed what I already knew; there were no survivors. 

I was back in Meridian in a week and tried to move on with life, like nothing had happened. What had happened at the proving was tragic of course, but it didn’t involve me. I didn’t get to say how I felt about it, even in I had strong feelings about it, which I did.

Not two weeks later, Ersa and a few chosen Vanguard were murdered by some Shadow Carja. I was torn apart. I should have never left her side. I thought had lost enough… but apparently the world didn’t think so. As I stepped into a tavern to let my life slip to the bottom of a pint glass, I was promoted to Captain. It didn’t matter. Nothing from that point on mattered.

I walked the streets of Meridian with a drink in my hand constantly to numb the pain. There was an empty space next to me where Ersa should have been, and it was too much to feel the sear of her shadow. I neared the bridge towards some kind of commotion. An argument? Someone wanted inside and was being denied as a safety precaution. When I realized how trivial it was, I turned to walk away. 

“Ersa? … You mean Erend’s sister is dead?” It was spoken with grief and curiosity to know more.

I knew that voice. I would know that voice even as drunk as I was.

“How would you know his name?” The Carja guard asked her. I turned back to them and sure enough, I could just barely see a tuft of red hair and the metal end of a bow.

“I know Erend.” She paused. “Summon Him. I need to speak with him.” Her voice was so full of conviction that it moved my feet before I knew I was moving. I remember the guard making excuses not to summon me and calling her a grimy outlander, but in the moment I was too happy. 

“Aloy!” I yelled and smiled, walking towards her. “I thought you were dead, but you’re alive! Make way, make way!” I yelled to the guards as I shoved passed them. I made sure they knew she was granted passage in and out of Meridian whenever she wanted. When she pulled me aside, she tried to comfort me. I was an ass, as always, and turned her comfort into an insult. She moved on quickly, not mincing words. She explained the attack on the Proving, and then went on to say that it was because of her. She was the real target and somehow Olin, my own friend, was a traitor and working with the killers. I wish I had been mute, but instead I stumbled over my own words. I didn’t want to believe that. He was my friend. I couldn’t believe that. Aloy saw right through me and got to the point. She didn’t need me to understand, she just needed me to find Olin.

Aloy looked at me and I could see how tired she was. Her own grief was painted all over her face, but whatever was at Olin’s house was more important. It struck me in the chest how determined she was to find answers. Aloy put everything aside to follow a slim lead, but it was something she held tightly, I could see it the more we talked. I took her to Olin’s place as fast as I could, but I should have told her how I lost _my_ father. That it was hard and I understood. That losing Ersa hadn’t become a reality yet. So many things I should have said… but I didn’t. 

Instead, I cursed at a protest against Avad’s inaction about Ersa’s murder and trudged on, ignoring Aloy’s questions. She didn’t need to know the details, she was on her own mission. I was starting to sober up with each step, my last action under influence was to kick down Olin’s door, letting her scope out Olin’s place. 

Breaking into that vault was like finding a den of nightmares. Aloy spoke of a map, a journal with an order to kill her specifically, and that whoever sent the order was holding Olin’s family hostage to make him obey their commands. I was blinded by rage. He was supposed to be a friend! But he was just a backstabbing traitor, just like she had said. I asked how this was possible; how she could read glyphs and see the family. She talked about the trinket her and Olin had, she called it a Focus. Aloy explained that somehow, the killers and Olin were able to communicate to each other with them and see through each other’s eyes. That it sees the unseen. 

She knew where to head next and asked me to move aside to let her leave, but my mind couldn’t help but linger on those words. ‘See the unseen’. We - well I - argued about what was personal and what wasn’t. I needed to know exactly who killed Ersa. I knew they were Shadow Carja, but I needed names. My stubborn ass wasn’t about to beg so I told her where I would be waiting. I should have been a sliver of compassionate. I should have told her what it would mean to me if she helped me instead of shouting at her. But in my rage and grief and barreling sobriety, I didn’t.

Red Ridge Pass was as dry as I was and littered with machines. I wasn’t discouraged. If anything, being able to take out my aggression without collateral was a benefit. Aloy arrived just in time to assist and it was glorious. I could tell she was a good fighter from the beginning. Once the machines were cleared, I told her every detail I could about why or when she left. When we stepped to the murder site, I watched as she tapped her focus and her body froze. She inspected empty areas of dirt and Shadow Carja trash. It didn’t take long until she explained it all. I hadn’t even thought of the possibility of it happening somewhere else. I was still sure the Shadow Carja were after Ersa though, but Aloy wasn’t convinced.

We followed the cart tracks only to be greeted by my own people, attacking us like feral animals. Between them and the machines I thought we were done for, but I severely underestimated Aloy. She wasn’t a good fighter, no. She was bred for this. She could alternate between a person and a machine without blinking, sending arrow after arrow flying as they hit their mark, straight and true. It was hard not to watch her, but when I would get a scrape across the face, my attention turned to my attacker. When all was said and done, she inspected the rocks and blood before us. It was an odd scene to witness this time around. I watched as she jumped into the rusting building, looking over some kind of contraption on the edge like it had glyphs she was trying to read. She came back to the dust patch in front of us when she was satisfied and gave me a wary look.

“I have a theory, but it’s gonna take some imagination.”

I nodded, seeing as she had been right so far, and was ready to hear her out. The leather straps, the bloody rock, the boulder cracked into pebbles, the clean weapons. That with the tripod thing and a used power cell, it all wrote a story that only she could tell me. It may not have made complete sense but we were only looking at part of the puzzle, that much I was sure of. I may drink a lot, but I’m not nearly as stupid as people think I am. I could see how all these pieces she gave me fit together. It was enough for me to high tail it out of there and check the body again, shouting over my shoulder for her to meet me in Meridian when she could.

She had been right. There wasn’t a scar on the body’s knee from when we were kids. No bottle of ale could erase the fact that if Aloy hadn’t come along… if she hadn’t survived and set aside whatever the hell she was doing to give me a minute of her time, I would have to bury my sister. Now I had a hope that was somehow heavier than grief as I waited for Aloy return to Meridian.

It only took a day. One day, and Aloy had come back with scrapes covering her arms and her midriff streaked with machine oil. When she rushed to the palace, I told her everything. Between us, Avad, and Marad, we could only come up with one enemy that wasn’t Shadow Carja; Dervahl. Ersa had worked with him in the past, hoping to use his ingenuity to help free Meridian. It was such a waste when it turned out he wanted nothing more than to ruin Meridian forever. She left him like smoke in the wind the moment she found out. Since then he had made enemies even where the sun didn’t shine, and as sure as I was that he had to be dead, it was the only viable option. 

We took off for Pitchcliff to meet Marad’s agent, only to find him dead next to a map in blood. When we followed the map we found his sick little camp where his cronies were hiding. He even had machines chained down, either to experiment on or use for parts. I was terrified when Aloy let the chains of the Sawtooth loose, her hand patting it’s head once before taking the blunt end of her spear out of it’s chest. It ran into the camp and gave us a good head start on the enemy, it’s entire body glowing with the same blue that came from her focus. We needed to kill these idiots to find Ersa and every second was a second wasted, so whatever she had just done to make that machine obey her was a blessing. After one last gunner with sonic blockers, we made it into the basement of Dervahl’s workshop. Ersa was laying on the floor in front of a working sonic tripod. I know she was in my arms almost instantly, then I looked back to the broken contraption that I didn’t remember destroying.

Ersa spoke very few words, but they had weight. She never gave up. She couldn’t let me get hurt. There was an attack planned on Meridian. Then last, and worst of all, that I needed to grow up fast. She stilled in my arms and I remember so many emotions whirling in my chest that I knelt my head down to take a moment. When I was thinking on one path again, Aloy had gathered information. Of course she had. All I wanted at the time was for Dervahl to pay in blood, but Aloy wanted to save anyone who would be hurt by him back in Meridian. 

Marad knew just where to point us when we got back. We ran to the abandoned warehouse and Aloy held out her arms to stop us. Two other vanguard and myself ran into her, and to her credit she barely budged. We looked inside and there was a blaze bomb, large enough to blow half the mesa off. I saw that look in her eye, the one where she searched through her second sight, and she asked me to follow her upstairs and for the others to get back. As we pushed the palette of even more blaze out of the upstairs window, I asked her if we would survive. She answered in the negative but never stopped pushing. I wanted to thank her for everything she had done. For helping me find out the truth and giving me some sort of peace. For lending a hand when it wasn’t her place. For so many things… but since the last thing I thought I was going to see was the freckles on her face, I didn’t say anything and pushed harder.

By the time I had made it back to the palace, Dervahl was there and he had incapacitated us all with the sonic weapon. I was many things, but one of them was not deaf, although I should be by now. Aloy saved the day again, destroying the machine, killing the last of his goons, and wiping out the glinthawks he called on for back up. I was up and hammer in hand when Aloy had him scrambling into a corner, his words vile and meaningless. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to hit him in the chest to break his ribs so he couldn’t move, then smash each limb section by section. I wanted to hurt him in dark, horrible ways I hadn’t thought of since I lost my mother... since the Red Raids. Everything in me wanted that, and Aloy didn’t stop me. Avad didn’t either, though his order had been to take Dervahl alive. I heard Ersa though, in my mind. I knew it was selfish to slaughter him when so many people in the Claim would pay top dollar to make his death slow. I knocked him out with the blunt end of my hammer and stepped away before I changed my mind.

Aloy needed to get back on track. She needed to find Olin and follow the breadcrumbs to get her own revenge. Killers to track, machines to tame, all before breakfast. She said she would always have a minute for me, maybe even two, and my heart felt like it was going to explode. I wanted to say… I dunno. _Thank you. I like you. Please come back. How can I help?_ Instead I made a stupid joke. She laughed and the way her eyes looked more green than gold that day made me smile. I wanted so much, but I didn’t say a thing.

The next time I saw her it had been a full two months. She was running up the palace steps and it looked like her body was on autopilot. There were bags under her eyes, her hair was tangled and forgotten, her armor was burnt in some places, torn in others. She came with warning of the Eclipse and their impending attack. Words were thrown around so fast I could only catch some of them. _Deathbringer. Hades. Demon. Gaia. Network. Zero Dawn._ In all honesty she was in a frenzy, like she had been in a cage and just now let out. What I needed to know was how to help. She laid out the battle plan and where I should be. I may be Captain, but I’m a better soldier. So I took her direction without question and waited the days out. When the black smoke and red lights appeared in the west, I knew it was time. I rallied the vanguard and sent them all to their positions. 

Aloy was up on the alight for one last time, checking to make sure everything was prepared. I led the men in our war cry but when it was just her and me, I looked down to her, speaking in a low voice so they wouldn’t hear.

“What are we up against, really?” I had to ask, it was killing me not to know. 

“I’m not sure.” She paused. Her voice trembled, it never did that. “But there’s gonna be a lot of them, and they’ll have machines. If they get past us, it won’t be just Meridian that will fall. The rest of the world will go with it.” Her teeth were clenched and I could feel the stress rolling off of her.

“That’s… big.” It’s all I could manage to say. I was scared. Not scared of dying, that was going to happen eventually; Every soldier accepts that the moment they sign up for the job. I was scared of losing _her_ , terrified even. So I turned to my men and rallied them again, shaking the fear from my bones, even if I used it for the fuel to fight. 

“We’re here for Meridian. And we’re here for you.” _I’m_ here for you. That’s what I wanted to say but I was still on a blade’s edge about how she would react. _I like you. Please be careful. I’ll take your biggest hit for you. I’ll die to protect you and everyone on this dumb rock. I more than like you. I love you._ None of it came out. I looked at her smile and I hoped to any god, if there was one, that I would see that exact smile again.

“Thank you, Erend. Ersa would be proud.” She added quietly and her eyes held mine until she turned to talk to the Nora who had come to help her, their ‘Anointed’ they said. Whatever the hell that meant. Far as I knew, she was an outcast since birth, so I wasn’t sure how all of a sudden they accepted her and put her on a pedestal. I didn’t have time to ask either. She was gone after brief words with the Nora War-Chief, and then running off again towards the palace and western ridge. 

Deathbringer, Hades, Network, Demon. I finally understood _those_ words as we were all pelted to the side of the alight. That metal ball was at the bottom of the spire and the sky turned red as blood. I panicked, I thought that not only was she dead, we failed her. I thought, just for one agonizing moment, that everything was lost. Then she showed up, covered in rubble and blood with broken armor that shimmered like her focus. I had never been happier to see her in my life. She rallied us and gave us all instructions in mere seconds, reminding us that _she_ needed to get to Hades. It wasn’t something we could do. I nodded, ready to take those hits. The Deathbringer certainly lived up to its name. I tried and fought as hard as I could, calling out to get it’s attention so Aloy could hit its weak spots. After an eternity of the onslaught and watching man by man fall dead to the ground, it finally tilted over and let smoke billow out. She bolted toward Hades as it spoke again in that horrible, metal-rattling voice. 

“I’m more than a threat.” I heard her snarl at it. It sent chills down my spine. She _was_ more than a threat. She could control the death of this planet… that was god-like. A new voice asked her for her name and rank for it to work.

“Elisabet Sobeck… Alpha Prime.” She said it with such confidence… who was that? I didn’t know who Elisabet Sobeck was or what an Alpha Prime was. It didn’t matter, the voice listened to her and did as told. The blue shock left her body and she shook her arms, staring at the dead metal ball. The sky went back to normal, blue streaks streamed to the same places the red ones had, and it seemed too good to be true. It was really over. I watched her stumble to the side of the alight, toward the western sky, and I followed her. I was mostly afraid of her falling off the cliff. When I saw her taking a breath, so many things almost left my lips. I know I was going to say _That was incredible Aloy. You’re the most amazing person that’s ever existed._ Before I could even take in the breath to say it, she had an arrow pointed at me. I held up my hands and she lowered her bow, a sheepish look on her tired face. I clapped her shoulder in probably the most awkward way I'd ever done anything. Varl came along not shortly after and we raised our weapons to Meridian in triumph.

All the yelling and cheering meant nothing to her. I watched her look over the horizon, letting it sink in. Her running was over. Somehow, a path of revenge had turned into saving the world, and the softness of her face showed that she was finally free of both burdens. I wanted to tell her then that I loved her. I wanted to tell her in front of Varl, on the tail end of adrenaline after an epic battle. I wanted to tell her when she had never looked younger, her posture lighter, her eyes brighter. 

I should have said it, but I didn’t.


	2. Adventure of Aloy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aloy's part of the story, mirroring Erend's. Although we all played the game through her, we don't know every thought that passed her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very happy to have this update out, and yes, this chapter is almost 8.7k words, sue me. It needed to happen that way. <3

Even though my goals were unrealistic… even though I was training almost all my life to win a competition for answers I couldn’t handle… I still held onto the little things in my mind. Those little things that don’t matter when the bow is at your lips and you either release it or die. I tend to find little things every now and then to remind me of my humanity. That I’m real, I’m  _ me _ and not just something a machine made. 

I was either 3 or 4 when I was rolling around in a patch of fluffy dandelions. I remember watching the seeds scatter in the wind and how incredibly pink the sky was for a beautiful summer sunset. I remember my own laughter echoing off the valley walls and wanting Rost to join me. Then I heard a small chirp followed by the sound of mechanical failure - the whip of an arrow through glass. I turned around and a watcher had been stalking me. I didn’t even know it was there. I remember being angry with him. I cried because he had killed a little one. He said I didn’t understand - that he was protecting me. I was too young to grasp the concept of the world we live in back then. All I knew was that Rost, who was kind and strong and safe, was suddenly a different person. Too strong, and something dangerous lurked under that. I knew it, but I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe it. 

I was 6 when I found my focus. The fall down into the ruins was honestly the most terrifying part, my pain from the mother refusing my berry offer quickly turning into terror. After that, my instincts took over. Check your surroundings. Look for danger. Explore. Learn. Analyze, repeat. My focus played me a message; the second person to ever speak to me. I played it over and over, so happy to see that man’s smile. Rost didn’t approve but never actually took it from me. I remember when it read my bow for the first time, and showed me all kinds of shapes and colors. It was breathtaking. I was prewired for curiosity, and this was more than enough to keep me happy. I wish I could have showed him how much it meant to me. I wish I had shared it with him even if he believed it to be tainted, which he never outright said to me. He just thought it was a toy. But if I had shown him how amazing it was… that it could help everyone, not just me, there’s a chance he may have had one too in the end.

I followed him down to the river to hunt machines not long after the focus incident. I downed a strider on my first try. Then Teb fell off the brave trails, fooling around on his own. He couldn't have been more than 15 at the time. I  _ had _ to help him. How could Rost want me to wait and let the striders kick him to death? I didn’t care about the law. All I knew was that boy needed saving and I had a focus to help. When I got him back to safety he was so kind. He wanted to speak to me, other than the few short words he had already said, but others stopped him. ‘Against the law’ Rost said. I was so angry that I stormed towards home, leaving Rost to follow for once. 

Then Bast threw that rock at me and scarred my face up. I caught the next one and threw it at him, knocking the other rock from his hand. Between Teb’s gratitude and Bast’s cruelty, I learned two things that day. One, that people will always do what they want to do whether it’s right or wrong, and two, that I would never let anyone define me. That day, Rost promised to train me for the Proving and my prize of a boon. My boon would be to know why I was even an outcast to begin with.

My training was my life. If I was breathing, I was learning a lesson of some kind. I supplied food for Grata, I learned to salvage the best parts of machines, I became an excellent healer, I used my focus to help me explore the Embrace. I took down a new machine, a Sawtooth, and it was another bountiful feast of information for my focus to replay … and on the day of the Proving, Rost left me at the bridge to the village. He said he would go where I couldn’t follow, but even as my heart was breaking, I knew I would find him anywhere. Between the skills he taught me and my focus, I would always be able to find him. I thought when I was done with this mess, it could go back to just him and I. I just wanted answers, I never asked to become part of the tribe. Rost wanted that, not me. I should have told him how much I cared about him. He was the only thing close to love I knew. It seemed ridiculous at the time, but looking back… I should have said it anyway. I loved him, father or not.

Teersa greeted me warmly, like a granddaughter, and pointed me towards Teb. It was nice to see him again, once I remembered who he was. His voice was a good octave lower than the last time we’d met. I thought 13 years would change people like seasons, but it hadn’t changed his heart. He was older, confident in his trade, but still that sweet boy I met at his core. He made me armor to wear for the Proving, and I was actually speechless for a moment when he said it was payment for what I had done; No charge in other words. Nobody cared when I helped out! They said thank you and moved on. But Teb cared, enough to even remember my name. It touched me to know that there was some good behind that village gate. I thanked him for the outfit. His guesses on measurements were right on target and it was warm and sturdy. I’d be protected well in this. Teb may not have looked very different from when I was a kid, but I wasn’t sure if that was my mind playing tricks on me, or if people after adolescents aged gracefully. He pointed me toward an angry mob, where Teersa was, and I followed quickly. Teersa and Lansra tried calming the crowd with no luck as a man in red began to read something. Fruit was pelted at him, which as a side note, made me disgusted. These people didn’t know what it was like to feel starvation lick at your heels and yet here they were, using food as ammunition. I should have told them Grata needed it more than their anger, faithful outcast as she was. And crazy - definitely not all there. A different man interrupted them all, waving his hands and dodging a few tomatoes himself.

“Nora faithful! Hold your fruit!”

He was odd looking, but I didn’t have much to compare him to. He wasn’t Nora, that much was obvious as I looked at the people around me, but he was handsome in a way that was so…  _ opposite _ of Nora that it pulled me in. He held himself tall and unafraid of the angry crowd. He spoke with conviction and emotion, eyes so silvery-blue they caught me off guard. I thought he was Carja, but as he spun his tale of what seemed to be a war, he said he was Oseram. That a king had raided his tribe for people to sacrifice, just like this same king had done to the Nora. I was confused. I hadn’t heard of any of this and it was only two years after the fact, according to him. That meant I was 17 when an all out war ended beyond the Embrace… but I’d never known. Carja, Oseram, Nora… How many tribes were there? My whole world widened to an unknowable size in the time of that Oseram’s speech and my day wasn’t even over. 

As the man dressed in red - a Carja priest apparently - read the letter, my focus picked up a signal and I couldn’t help but follow it. I was led to a man who had a focus like mine, but orange. He wasn’t much of a talker, giving me curt answers. He was suspicious about me and my focus and I pointedly said I was not like other Nora. I couldn’t imagine him exploring buried ruins with his lackluster physique. Before I could ask my most pressing questions he suddenly wanted nothing more than to be away from me, especially after the ‘malfunction’. The Oseram from the stage made his way to us and joined the conversation just as the man with the focus left. The odd but handsome Oseram seemed eager to talk, so we did. I found out the other man’s name was Olin, the one in front of me Erend. He was a soldier and an envoy - a traveler. I had a million questions and so little time, I needed to choose wisely. He tried to make small talk about my focus, but it wasn’t important. The first person who wants to make small talk with me, and it was at the most inopportune time. My first impression of the Oseram certainly held up. I drilled him about what mattered. The Red Raids, Meridian, The Vanguard, The ‘Mad Sun King’, and Olin. He seemed to think I was dumb halfway through the conversation so I explained that yes, I basically  _ had _ lived under a rock. Outcasts didn’t get news of other tribes because it didn’t involve us. We were no part of the tribe. He seemed uncomfortable at the mention of it, which made me back down a bit. If he felt sorry for me, he had a heart. I didn’t need the pity, but a well placed heart seemed rare, especially since callous and ignorance ran rampant around me in that village. I looked at his foreign facial hair and the metal ring in his ear, the armor he had on, and then back up to his eyes. He either was staring at me on purpose or it was just something he did. Suddenly he smiled. He extended an invitation to come see him in Meridian. It sounded nice, but first and foremost in my mind was the Proving. I would like to see him again, to ask more than he could probably answer, but I didn’t think I’d be able to if I was tracking Rost. I enjoyed our banter, it was almost fun. I should have stayed to talk more. But I couldn’t, so I didn’t.

I cut my conversation short with Erend, the Oseram with the mohawk. I needed to make my way to the blessing. Teersa had made a lantern for me and instead of dedicating it to my mother, who I didn’t know... I did it for myself. To bless myself to find her. I would have time to give her everything in the world when I found her, but to get there I needed an incredible amount of strength for this Proving. After the blessing I met Erend again and I wondered if, as an Oseram, he had ever seen a Nora blessing. He said it was nice and started to describe something from his tribe called fireworks that sounded a hundred times more interesting… but he stopped suddenly, giving me an apologetic smile like he had insulted me, maybe? I’m not good at social cues so I wasn’t sure. I realized I needed to get some rest. I said my goodbyes and made my way to the bed house, having choice words for Resh and Bast, before laying down next to Vala. I clutched the pendant around my neck… Alana’s pendant I know now… and felt more alone than ever. These people didn’t know me. They didn’t really care to unless they were dying, it seemed. I was truly lonely and it was so weird and different and uncomfortable. I wish I had become better friends with Vala that night. I know it wouldn’t have mattered, but at least I could have let one person inside. One person would have known who I was, even if it was just for a night.

I worked my whole life to win that proving, and Bast wasn’t going to stop me. Resh could yell all the insults he wanted, I would get another trophy. I was faster than them. I was stronger than them. Bast may have been training for years, but I trained in the wilds, where one mistake would be your death and not just a disappointment or an opportunity to try harder the next day. It was make it or break it in the wilds, and so was this trail. That old man yelled at me when I went the short route, said I was crazy and that I would kill myself. He apparently had never seen what pure tenacity can do. The scrapes of metal and ice-covered rocks left my palms red, painting a trail behind me on the cliff side. I didn’t care. I didn’t know pain, exhaustion, or anything that wasn’t pushing me forward to win. That jump down that last rope, running to stick my trophy in the snow first, it was so satisfying. Bast was furious, Vala smiled at me. I was instantly a Brave, but I wanted my real prize as first among them. Just as the woman was speaking, we were all attacked. Arrows rained down on us and one by one the new Braves fell into crimson soaked snow. Fire arrows came next as I took the foreign attackers out. When Vala, Bast, and I thought it was over, a killer with a gun from a machine came with a second wave, tearing her and Bast down instantly. I reacted in kind and they  _ all _ fell to me. When the field was quiet with death, I went to the leader, seeing he had a focus too… orange like Olin’s. I took it and tucked it away, hearing footsteps in the snow behind me. 

It was then that I was ambushed by him, Helis. I barely want to think the name. He looked at me with something like satisfaction in his eyes, as if he had been searching for me, and took his knife to my throat. He would have cut deeper and killed me if Rost hadn’t saved me. It was against the law for him to be there on the Brave trails, but it seemed that some things were indeed more important to him than upholding the law. My vision went in and out… I remember him holding me in his arms, his abdomen bleeding a furious red. It could’ve ended like that if it had to. Rost by my side, my goal achieved but never truly fulfilled… but he was with me and if that was how I was going to die, then it was better that way. The next thing I know he’s tumbling me over the mountain with one word. ‘Survive’. As I fell, I looked up to him and the explosion hit… I watched his deep blue eyes vanish into flames and felt my body hit every rock on the mountain. 

When I woke, everything hurt. I hadn’t known this kind of pain before, but I would many times before it was all over. I was inside the mountain and it felt more at home than the bed house. I got my clothes and my weapons, searching for the one thing I couldn’t live without. Once I got my focus back I saw what had transpired through the killer’s focus. Olin saw me, hence Helis saw me. They were on the same network and he had been ordered to kill me for looking like the holo of the woman with short hair. A woman who I shared a 99% DNA match to. The why was missing and I would be on a mission to find out. I needed answers, that’s what all my training was for and now I had lost Rost. I refused to give up. Teersa showed me where I was born, or  _ found _ , I should say. The identiscan was corrupted, it couldn’t read me as part of the registry. Yet another thing I would have to fix down the road. When Teersa and Jezza named me a seeker to get my answers and vengeance beyond the Nora borders, I ran down the mountain only to be met by Resh, the miserable chuff. I demanded he open the gates. He refused, but a corruptor swung by and granted me passage through literal fire. When it was down, I grabbed it’s override mechanism and it automatically synced up with my focus. I was leaving the Sacred Lands in no time, given the power to override a strider through the override now attached to my spear. Meridian was my destination, the only place I thought Olin - my only lead - might be. 

Meridian was… something else. I was glad to have the light Blazon armor I got from a merchant after Daytower, it was sweltering here. I’d noticed that Carja didn’t exactly cover themselves from head to toe and the Oseram I had seen along the way rarely wore a shirt. I thought the heat had fried all of their brains. Autumn was just around the corner and they would feel the bite of the wind soon. I left my strider outside the city area and sent it away. I didn’t want undue attention. I needed to get in and get out. I needed to be fast. I wanted to be fast… I wanted this to be over. It should have been over at the Proving, but that was such an insignificant goal in comparison to the task at hand. I found a file on my journey with a saying from the old ones, ‘Hindsight is 20/20’. I’m not sure about the numbers, but considering they’re the same, I think it means everything is clearer looking at the past.

Meridian though was indeed a sight to behold, Erend hadn’t lied. The air was hot and dry, the whole city smelled like spices I’d never known even from the bridge, and don’t get me started on the buildings. I was stopped at the western entrance across the bridge, my name going quickly from Outcast to Outlander. If I was anything, I was Outraged instead; I needed through and to watch these guards try to stop me would be laughable. Then the news of Ersa’s death froze me in place. I took a breath and demanded to see Erend, that someone summon him to me if I wasn’t allowed in. Like a wish come true, he appeared just as I was about to punch the Carja guard for calling me a grimy outlander. He shooed them away with a clear command that I was allowed in and out of Meridian whenever I wanted. That was unexpected. As Erend spoke, it became blatantly obvious he was drunk. He reeked of scrappersap. I pulled him aside and told him he needed to get himself together. He fussed over details (how I was alive) and I sighed, clutching my hands together. I was beginning to not like people. They were slow and inefficient and these social graces were absolute nonsense. I explained the attack and how it led me to Meridian, and to Olin. I paused and offered to him that Rost had died to save me, that I knew what kind of pain he was going through. He showed heart weeks ago, it was my turn to show I wasn’t a savage from the east and that I really didn’t belong back in the Embrace. Apparently I didn’t do it right because he acted like I had insulted him. I didn’t understand how to navigate conversations quite yet so I went back to Olin, my purpose for standing in front of him. If he was in Meridian, I needed to speak with him. If he wasn’t, I needed to search his place. Erend sighed and conceded to the latter, Olin being gone for days now apparently. Looking back, I was pretty demanding. The circumstances  _ made _ me demanding because I lived from one second to the next, like I was running through the wilds still - I needed to know where my back foot would land before I my front touched the ground. I needed to be tens of steps ahead of my enemy, if not more, and I was lagging behind for once.

On the way, we passed a man standing on a cart with people around him, enraged about Ersa’s death and reaching out to Erend over the crowd. He spoke of the new Sun King’s inaction towards the Captain’s death, sitting in his palace while the ”Shadows ran”. How Erend didn’t have justice, that it was a murder. Erend broke up the crowd with curses and treats of locking them up, walking away as if it was nothing. Whatever he had been drinking clearly was wearing off. I asked what they meant… why didn’t he tell me Ersa was murdered? Erend refused to answer and I felt a cold chill l run through me. His simple dismissal reminded me of times I’d been ignored, even if he didn’t mean it to. We made it to the doorway and I looked it up and down, asking how to get in. He didn’t hesitate to kick in the door, stepping right through like he owned the place. The growing rift between Olin and Erend seemed to be having effects on his behavior as he sobered up.

“That was… subtle.” Something I was learning Erend, as most Oseram, were not.

Olin’s home was… extravagant. So much space for one man, one woman, and one single child. The Nora bed house wasn’t even this big. When I tried to ask him if he was okay, especially with that mob just outside, Erend just said I was wasting my time searching this place. If there was one thing I knew, it was how to track a lead. I knew that vault held whatever I needed and Olin just so happened to have a crate of steel ingots just above on the third floor. It smashed the vault door to bits and I looked down to the hole, seeing Erend’s head peek out and look up at me. 

“I did say not to break anything, didn’t I?”

I smirked and shrugged my shoulders. His sense of humor was growing on me. Besides, he’d broken his own rule. As we entered the basement, glyphs and clues and holos were in every corner. His family, the map, his journal, my death order… how could I be angry? His wife and son were threatened with death just to kill me? I wanted to be angry but something felt off about the entire situation, especially with my death order in the mix. I wasn’t important and certainly not special enough to drive a group to this level of cruelty. I was upset, don’t get me wrong, but it was… complicated. I needed to head to Rockwreath to see this through, but Erend questioned me incessantly, no charm or flirtation added this time. He needed the vengeance the man in the plaza spoke of. He asked for my help to find the men who killed Ersa. I tried to explain that this was something I needed to do urgently, and that as sorry as I was for his loss, he was on his own path. This was his war, not mine. Erend exploded, saying that I was basically being two-faced. I didn’t say anything, I knew grief could bring out the worst in people. Rost had taught me as much when he gave me that burning look whenever I asked about his wife and daughter. I had hoped that would be the worst of Erend. He told me he’d be at Red Ridge Pass and wait for me. Another thing on the list. I wanted to explain everything to him. I stormed into Meridian and wanted to leave the same way… I owed him at least something to help him understand my situation. But I didn’t explain anything, I just left. I caused so much trouble, but left nothing behind.

After taking care of my business with Olin and two corrupters, I headed to Red Ridge Pass, finding Erend beating the oil right out of scrappers and watchers. I almost didn’t want to interrupt, he looked like he needed to beat the shit out of something. I did eventually make my presence known when a sawtooth was sneaking up behind him. I notched three fire arrows into it and then a tearblast arrow for good measure. He turned on his heel and swung his hammer without pausing, it’s jaw sparkling on the ground in just a second. It was incredible. I’d harvested those corpses before and they were called sawtooths for a reason; That was their strongest point. I couldn’t even loosen the shards off it’s jaw with a knife, let alone smack the whole thing off on the first try. He took one more swing at it’s underbelly and I shot two more fire arrows at the same time, letting it burn and roll over as the red light faded from it. He smiled at me and I was held in his stare for just a moment. Realizing he was very capable with such dangerous machines by himself was one thing. It was another entirely to feel like I had battled with him for years on our first try. I was beyond impressed, but I moved on like I did in all things.

I asked first if he was okay, he lamented that he wasn’t but that he was indeed sober, something I was happy for. I scavenged what I could from the sawtooth’s burning plates as he told me the details surrounding Ersa. He took me to the site where she had been discovered, her and her chosen few vanguard, and asked me to look around. He didn’t need to ask at that point, there was so much purple I don’t think he could have stopped me from investigating further if he needed to. The blood trail, the helmet and bracers that were brand new - not a scratch on them, the scuffle in the dirt, and then the pool of blood beside the blood trail. It wasn’t a murder site, this has just been where the bodies were dumped. Posed to make it look like it happened there. I told Erend what I saw. I tried to explain it the best I could, ready to be met with hostility, but he caught on fast enough where it was a conversation instead of a lesson. He was  _ smart _ and I liked that. I should have said that. Would that have counted as flirting? Inappropriate time to flirt, but he was Oseram... time and place didn’t seem to matter much to them, Petra had very quickly taught me that lesson.

I didn’t know who would have done this, but I wasn’t betting all my shards on Shadow Carja at this point. Erend wasn’t swayed easily, but we followed the trail, the purple swerving around the ridge so thickly I ran. I needed to know where it was leading me and he was following me without question. That was new for me. I was always the one to follow, never lead. Erend, the Captain of the Vanguard, a soldier, followed me so loyally, we stumbled right into a trap. Men and women on every side of the rusting discs, on top of the building, and even in the clearing. They all had weapons pointed at us and were just waiting for the right moment. 

“These guys aren’t Shadow Carja. They’re from my tribe, the Oseram!” He looked around, probably trying to find a face that wasn’t hidden.

“Is this how  _ your _ people usually greet each other?” I asked as I grabbed my bow off my back. I knew the answer, and I knew that these could not be normal Oseram. 

As the battle ensued, I made shot after shot, the minutes flitting by like microseconds as my hands moved without thought. I didn’t know who to shoot first, just who  _ not _ to.  _ Don’t shoot Erend. _ My brain seemed to handle that command easily enough. Every other Oseram I neared ended up with an arrow through the head or my spear through their torso. Just when we thought the fight was over, a lure went off and brought in two ravagers. Great for parts, not so great for us. Once they were unarmed and lifeless, Erend walked near one of the attackers, kicking him over onto his back to ensure that they were indeed Oseram and not Shadow Carja in disguise. The hopelessness and confusion he felt was all over his face, it even tainted his voice. He felt he was always wrong and actually begged me to use my focus, To find out what really happened. I was on it before he even asked, my curiosity too deep for my own good. This time, what I saw wove a story I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell. I ran around the site just to find tiny bits of information. I needed to have a solid grip on the situation. This couldn’t be a mistake on my part, I wouldn’t allow that. Not after watching him cut down his own people without a second thought. When I was sure I had everything that the site would offer, I made my way back to him, watching him as he eyed Ersa’s helmet. 

“All this trickery... for what? Feels like it’s just to torture me.” He said and shook his head.

“I have a theory, but it takes a little imagination…” I said, unsure of how he would react. He was smart. He could handle this logically, but I didn’t know if he could shut himself off from his emotions long enough.

When he gave me the go ahead, I explained how it went down, given what was in the field. I reminded him of his own words, that Ersa’s face was unrecognizable. 

“Go back to Meridian and take another look at the body. If it’s really Ersa… of course I’m wrong.” I paused and swallowed. That wasn’t the case here. I was giving him hope when we didn’t know where her fate was. “But if I’m right…” I said softer, begging him to understand with just my strained voice and a soft smile.

“Then my sister could still be alive!” He burst into a backwards jog. “I’m going! Meet me back there when you can!”

I was back in Meridian the next day, feeling horrible for making him wait that long. While I wanted to know what happened to Ersa, two corrupted rockbreakers were not going to be cleared quickly. I was bandaged, filthy, and sore as I made my way to the palace, meeting Avad, Erend, and Marad. He confirmed it; Ersa didn’t have a scar that she’d had almost all her life. Meaning that body wasn’t Ersa at all, and she was somewhere else. They had already narrowed down the enemy to one possible person. A person who could control other Oseram into doing his will and who wasn’t Carja at all. From what I understood, this person - Dervhal, was supposedly dead. Erend took the words right out of my mouth; Dead didn’t mean what it used to. He shot me a look and I nodded to him. I was included in that statement, and I didn’t miss the way he looked grateful that I was there with him. Of course I would be. I would see this to the end for him. 

Erend gathered his most trusted vanguards together made our way to Pitchcliff, a place north of Meridian and closer to his homeland. Marad had a scout there and we had trouble speaking with him, mainly because he was face down in the grass. We followed the map he’d drawn in his own blood before passing, finding ourselves even more north as a stormbird flew overhead. The place looked like a bandit camp, except the angered and trapped machines. I told the vanguard to stay back until the fighting began and I slipped from the grass, overriding the ravager and cutting it’s chains loose. Erend still, _ to this very day _ , argues that it was a sawtooth, but sawtooths don’t have guns. After it mowed down most of our enemies, Erend and his men came in and we laid them all to rest in the snow where they belonged. Such a waste… I was finding this to be the case more and more. Humans were complicated, crazed, and if led astray, a waste of breath. I’d stopped counting bodies long ago, before I even left the Sacred Land. This is just how it was now… how it had to be. How people  _ made _ it be. We took out the last man standing - a hulking Oseram, which was saying something, armed with a spitter and sonic blockers in his ears. Nothing a few arrows from me and a killing blow from Erend didn’t fix. 

Below, where the real workshop was, Ersa was found in front of the same weapon that had taken her down before. A sonic tripod. Erend destroyed it in seconds, dropping his hammer to hold his sister still clinging onto life. Their conversation seemed so private I tried to look around to find clues, especially when Ersa said there was an attack on Meridian planned. I sifted through the basement quicker at those words. I needed to find the information so we could stop this, together. All three of us. I gathered the data points and came back to them, but she was speaking in a slurred tone. I realized she would never see Meridian again. That even though we tried so hard and ran so fast, we were too late anyway. She reached up to pat Erend’s cheek before fading in his arms and he dropped his head as a silent sob shook him. I didn’t want to look, I thought I was going to be sick. When Erend looked to me, I told him I knew what Ersa was talking about, Dervahl’s trail wasn’t exactly hard to follow. 

In Meridian, the storehouse was rigged. I held onto the door frame as soon as I saw the stack of blaze and Erend with two of his men ran into me, which was what I was braced for. When I caught my breath as they backed off, I was already looking around with my focus and holding the boys at bay. 

“He’s got a surprise for us.” I said and let them slip passed me. They came around and Erend came to my side, staring at the bright green blaze.

“Is it a bomb?” Erend asked in a panic.

“It’s a bomb all right, well crafted too.” I said and my mind was instantly trying to think of how to defuse it.

“Doesn’t look too big.” He replied, trying to sound tough, I assumed, as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Big enough to kill us.” I rolled my eyes.

“All right.” He nodded. “I’ll shut up.” 

There was more upstairs, and possibly a way to solve everything too. I looked behind me and asked Erend to come with me. I trusted him and he knew about my focus. The other two probably wouldn't trust me after I led us into a failed rescue, or when I couldn’t explain how I knew what I knew. We went upstairs and found and entire shipment of blaze dripping onto the floorboards and leaking below. It was wired to go together, because of course it would be. The shipment, however, was placed conveniently in front of a window, which reminded me of the palette of ingots at Olin’s. Did everyone in Meridian just leave dangerous shit in front of long drops, or was I just lucky twice over? Either way I opened the window and told Erend to help me push the blaze out.

“Okay. Brute force, I’m good at that. What will it do?” He asked, looking to me as he braced his back against the boxes.

“Save the city. I hope.” I struggled pushing it, even with the two of us. What kind of blaze weighs more than a palette of metal ingots? I looked back and sighed. “But when the blaze falls run for it, because the booby-trap downstairs is going to get set off.”

“Uh… will we survive?” He looked at me and it felt different. Like he was trying to remember my face. I wasn’t going to ask, but I blushed all the same. Again, Oseram and inappropriate timing are two things that are constantly together. 

“Probably not. Now push!”

When the blaze fell into lower Meridian it doused the lower quarter in flames. We ran as fast as we could to the courtyard where the other two vanguard were waiting, but we weren’t fast enough to escape everything. The bomb was triggered and the storehouse exploded, knocking Erend and I down to the stones as my head took a hard hit to the ground. I shook my head as I sat up, trying to shake off the pain, and looked at the storehouse behind me. As much as Erend thought we had spoiled Dervahl’s plans, I knew he wouldn’t let it go that easily. Ersa had said Dervahl would ‘make Avad watch’. That didn’t sound like the kind of guy who put all of his trust in one plan. While I followed his trail, Erend and the vanguard headed back to the palace for Avad’s protection. This was just a diversion, I knew it in my core but I didn’t say it. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to warn him, but I didn’t. I’d seen him fight, I knew he could hold his own and then some, but I still should have said something beyond my urgency. 

After chasing after Dervahl and taking down what I thought was the last of his group, I ended up at the palace. I was looking forward to having help taking him down, considering all the trouble he had given me, but Erend was down. Avad was down. Marad was nowhere in sight. And Dervahl was waiting for me with plenty of help for himself. I wanted to yell at him because it was the Proving all over again. Many against one, against  _ me _ . I’m sure they had fought off many others before me, but I made sure I was their last. Then he brought out the lure and glinthawks started to rain down chillwater on the entire palace. Why did it have to be glinthawks? A stormbird I get, I would have even been pleased with a thunderjaw at that point. But glinthawks? The worst. They flock in groups spaced just enough to kill wave after wave without knowing if it will ever end. As one burned to the ground, it seemed two more flew in. 

I hate glinthawks.

By the time they were all down, Erend was back up and armed, standing over Dervahl as he crawled backwards, his actions cowardly and his words were pointless. I don’t think Erend really heard him, the rage in his eyes was too strong for him to hear or see me. I had done my part; I caught the bad guy. What happened next was out of my hands. I waited for that hammer to come down, to hear a skull being cracked against the granite, but it never came. Avad came into view with two guards and Erend said something about knowing exactly what Dervahl was afraid of before knocking him out with the blunt end of his hammer. Two guards took his unconscious body away and locked him up, apparently sending him back to Erend’s homeland to be sold and executed. I followed Erend to the balcony after things were sorted and tried to say goodbye. I’m not good at goodbyes, not after all these people came into my life and I felt like it was normal. I wasn’t normal, that was evident at this point. I was socially awkward but the few who I’d come across recently didn’t seem to care too much. When he was talking about Ersa, I wanted to make sure he knew he wasn’t left in the dust by her death. I made sure he knew he was a good Captain… he’d just proved it with Dervahl. He turned around and called me pretty. My chest inflated at that. After everything we had been through, he had grown close to me… and I to him. He said he was lucky to get a minute of my time, and the way it had happened was lucky, sure. But I would have given him more time if I could have. I told him that at least. I should have asked him to come with me, that we were going to be up against something worse than a crazy tinker. That I could use someone like him at my side when I went to Maker’s end for a battle partner, and for support. But I didn’t. I didn’t say any of those things. I left as soon as I could, running north for answers.

I didn’t see him for a long time. Weeks, months, I wasn’t sure. All I remember is making the trek to Meridian after too much had happened. I had found out about Rost’s story after exiting ELEUTHIA-9. I had been into the site where Zero Dawn had been born and placed. I had been in the room where all the Alphas were murdered, and fighting off that deathbringer was just the beginning. I kept reopening wounds I had stitched closed and didn’t bother changing my armor. It had held up for the most part, why bother changing? I saw him at the palace and told him to gather round with Avad and for Marad to be found. When we were all together, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I let everything come out, even words I know they didn’t understand. It didn’t matter. What I needed them to understand was that a war was coming, a war that we might not win. I needed the spire protected and for the western ridge to be fortified. I didn’t care that I was speaking to a King and a Captain, none of it mattered if we were all dead a week later. They seemed to understand the urgency of the Eclipse and took what I said to heart, doing as I had laid out. I honestly expected more questions, but they just went ahead with what I said. I was so damn tired, a blind watcher could probably see it. Avad offered me Olin’s place to stay and I took the chance to have a bed to sleep in and wait for them to attack. If war was coming towards us, I needed to be rested. I took the initiative to see a healer before I rested, I refused to be the weak link in the chain. The deathbringer hadn’t done anything that wouldn’t be erased easily… especially thinking about what was coming for us. 

When I was shaken awake by a guard, I looked out and saw the red lights and black smoke from the numerous deathbringers and corrupters with the Eclipse… and HADES. I armored up and took one last check around the secure points, my last stop at the alight. The spire looked as magnificent as it had the first time I’d seen it. She was standing tall and fierce against the smog and smoke, so I needed to as well. 

Erend was up where he needed to be, his men talking trash about Carja and Eclipse. I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. They really didn’t understand at all… tribes didn’t matter anymore. Humans were the target, not a tribe. I came closer as he was building his men’s confidence, their war cries echoing down to the valley of the jewel. Erend took a side step towards me as he looked towards the smoke again.

“What are we up against, really?” He sounded scared despite his cool composure. He was trying to be strong for his men. A good Captain, just like I had said.

“I’m not sure.” I paused and tried not to sound fearful too. I needed to be just as confident for them. And for  _ him _ . “But there’s gonna be a lot of them, and they’ll have machines. If they get passed us, it won’t be just Meridian that will fall. The rest of the world will go with it.” I tried to will them to understand, to read between the lines. What was it Ersa had said? ‘ _ No more playing around _ ’, I think? That was more true right now than ever. 

“That’s… big.” I nodded a bit to him. He seemed to understand, taking a breath to shake the fear from his men again, sober them up for the fight ahead. “We’re here for Meridian. And we’re here for you.” He said the last part hesitantly, but it made me happy to hear. I knew a smile was on my lips, I could feel the ache in my jaw after falling on my face not two days ago under a deathbringer. I didn’t care. I was so happy to see him that it bordered on ludicrous. I think the air in Maker’s End might have been a bit too thin. I wasn’t acting like myself.

I needed to speak with Sona and the Braves that had come to fight but I was torn. What if this was the last time I ever saw him? Up here on the alight, under GAIA’s spire, death knocking on our door. There was so much I wanted to say to him. Thank him for having my back. For giving me someone to trust. For helping me when he didn’t owe me it. For believing in me and understanding that there was more happening around us than he could really fathom.  _ Don’t die. Protect that spire, but please GAIA, All-Mother, anyone who can help… please keep him safe. _ I had prayed truthfully maybe a handful of times in my life, but this one was desperate. I really liked him. There was something between us that I didn’t know how to label, but it wasn’t just shared hands in battle. I wanted the opportunity to know what this was. 

“Thank you, Erend.” Was all that came out. “Ersa would be proud.” I needed to add that. He needed to know that he had proven to anyone who would question it that he, Erend Vanguardsman, was in charge now. Not just stumbling around in Ersa’s shoes. He smiled back at me and I lingered still, eventually parting towards Sona. It killed me to. But I was needed… everywhere.

When the ridge fell on me, I thought that was the end. I didn’t even have time to accept or deny it, all I saw was a Khopesh dragging a corrupted metal shell towards the spire and passed me. Next thing I knew, Teb was waking me up. I wasn’t dead after all. I watched the sky turn red and the call go out… the call to start the end. I knew where I needed to be. 

Of course the Khopesh that delivered HADES had lingered. I looked around to see Erend, Talanah, and Sona in a pit. I jumped down to them and gave a spit of blood to the ground, Erend making a face. Not disgusted, just worried. I wiped my mouth and gave him a nod that I would be okay, happy that I got to see him again. My body hurt so badly but it didn’t matter. I told them what  _ did _ matter, and they loyally held off the deathbringer as long as possible, not to mention the other machines. When they were all down, HADES needed to reassess its newfound weakness. Apparently, accounting for an entity such as me didn’t workout so well, now I was  _ imminent _ .

“I’m more than a threat!” I screamed at it, letting out all my fury. The rage shook my whole body as I stabbed the master override into it’s system, the shock absorbing me and transporting me to a place that looked so much like GAIA’s message back in All Mother Mountain. There stood the spire, MINERVA’s goal entrapped in a swirl of red and black that was HADES as code. As I stepped forward, a blue holo of Elisabet manifested to my right, her frame as tall as the spire itself. A voice spoke, softer than HADES but not female sounding like GAIA. He sounded… calm. He just needed my name and rank and it would be all over. I reached towards Elisabet and wanted to cry. This was what I was for. This is what everything had led up to - this one question. Who was I to a being like HADES?

“Elisabet Sobeck. Alpha Prime”

The voiced agreed to purge HADES with its death call. I was given a visual of the purge, watching Elisabet disintegrate and her blue light taking back the spire. When the vision faded, the shock finally let go of my arm. I shook it out, trying to feel it again, but was blown back seconds later. I shook as I made myself stand. _ I had to _ . I  _ needed _ to see for myself that those words were true. As I limped to the edge of the alight facing the city, people could be heard cheering now and then and I took a few loud breaths. I was ready for a second strike. It didn’t feel real, that it was really over. I heard a twig snap behind me and I notched an arrow without a second thought to aim at my target, Erend.  _ Erend _ ! I lowered my bow when he held his hands up, not realizing I’d still been holding my ground. I’m surprised I didn’t shoot him - I’d been so scared and my mind was scattered. But he was there! He was alive! I was overjoyed. I wanted to cry and hug him at the same time. That was when I knew I’d gone without enough oxygen at Maker’s End. The blood loss out my leg wasn’t helping anything. He came up to me and clapped my shoulder, letting me know that everything would be okay. I smiled to him before I heard another shuffle, turning to see Varl emerge from the ferns. 

We came to the very edge and raised our weapons in victory, letting everyone know that it was safe, that we were still alive. After only a few moments like that I put my bow on my back, looking out towards the setting sun. It was finally over. I had my answers, I stopped the world from ending, I knew why I was born and outcast, and I helped finish what Elisabet had started. What GAIA could continue. I never felt lighter than I had in that moment. The moment I realized that after all the training and pain, the lingering feelings of injustice and unanswered questions… I was finally free to be just me, and to find out who that person was at my own pace. 

I still wanted to find out what was between Erend and I. I wanted to thank him again for everything and be with him in that moment of peace, but I was so consumed with finally being free, I said nothing at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm sick again but I got this edited and posted fro yall to enjoy. Please leave a comments and kudos, it helps me know this fanfic wasn't a stupid idea. Next is our final chapter, in which Erend and Aloy explore what is between them and come to the right conclusion.
> 
> Also please let me know if the tone was different! I tried to make it sound like two different people's POV but i dont think the chapters sounded too different.


	3. The end or the beginning?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a chapter post game. Sorry for the long wait. Isn't depression great? You know what better? Having to work even if covid-19 has shut down your entire town because you're a health care worker -_- I'm gonna get it, I'm sure, so I wanted to make sure I finish this story at least. Hope you enjoyed the ride!

The trek down from the alight was interesting to say the least. Erend was carrying wounds he wouldn’t fully feel the weight of until the next day. Vanguards and Carja soldiers rushed to the top to dismantle the machines the best they could, if only to make sure they wouldn’t ever be functional again. Varl had rejoined Sona and the other Nora who had come by Aloy’s request. Soon, even the remaining Vanguards and Carja soldiers had gone, their task complete. Each fighter had left, leaving Aloy the last to turn her back to HADES and head towards the stairs, a red stain dripping down each step from the wound in her leg. She’d lost more blood than this before. She wasn’t too worried about it. As she limped down the stairs, large chunks of her shielded armor were torn from each other, Aloy grunting from the effort it took to tear them off and chuck them off of her body and down the cliff. The piece that had protected her right leg was completely gone, only her torn leggings and raw flesh were left. She couldn’t even tell if it was a burn or a projectile that had hurt her, nor could she remember. She couldn’t remember anything from the fight. She lived, and that was enough. Certainly more than she had expected. 

She took a moment to rest halfway down, realizing the stairs no longer existed that she had climbed the first time around, and that jumping and climbing down with her leg like this was out of the question. She didn’t mind to sit and rest though. Aloy let her legs dangle off the edge, watching the people below somehow celebrate and put out fires at the same time, smiles and voices filled the air that felt unburdened. She smiled and felt the world lift itself off her, watching the people below solve their own problems and finally start to live a life without fear. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been able to rest without looking over her shoulder or trying to connect any dots.

Erend had been waiting for her at the bottom at first, directing people where to go according to what took priority. He spoke steadily and hardly gestured, nursing a few fractured ribs like a champ. He wasn’t about to lay down or stop when people still needed him, especially if the Maizelands were burning and people were asking to volunteer to help find trapped citizens. After about an hour of directing and appointing people, just before he left the alight to physically help, his second in command took over and told him to rest. He had strayed from the alight and was very close to the Maizelands, the sound of the flames almost drowning him out.

Erend shook his head, refusing to take a break. He needed to keep himself busy in all honesty. His second pointed up to the alight where a young woman was sitting on the crumbled ruins that used to be perfectly carved steps, her hair flying in the wind like a red flag. Erend smiled and nodded, walking back to the alight and the now blue shimmering spire. He looked up and she could have been thousands of miles away, the way she stared over the edge at the never ending horizon. He smiled and found a sturdy sapling, tying a rope around a thick arrow and sent it flying towards her, its metal hooks finding purchase in the rock without issue. Aloy didn’t even flinch, looking down at the arrow as if it were a bug; Insignificant, but interesting for an idle mind. Erend tied the other end of the rope to the strong sapping, making sure it was as tight as possible. Eventually Aloy’s eyes traveled down the rope and found Erend, motioning for her to come down. She shook her head.

“Erend, my leg is too banged up for me to land.” She said with a smile he had come to see only accompanied by sarcastic remarks. He rolled his eyes.

“I’ll catch you before you even have to worry about the ground, I promise!” He called up to her. She continued to hold her chin in her palm, resting her elbow on her knee. He waved again and she let out a little laugh through her nose, chucking the last piece of her blinking armor over the edge. She took a quick tally of everything she had and chose wisely. She grabbed her layered necklaces and took them off one by one. Once they were off, she tore them all open, some of the beads spilling off her lap and down the cliff. She wound her hands around each side of the necklace bundle as it was positioned over the rope. 

“Make good on it!” She shouted and slid her weight off the side, the bundle barely holding together enough to count as a zipline tool. Her right leg was limp, but she curled her left up, trying to be ready if Erend dropped her. He stepped forward quickly as her weight lowered the rope, grabbing her just inches before her leg would have touched the ground. He grunted a bit, his ribs protesting, but he smiled anyway.

“Hey, you caught me.” She smiled and said as if she were surprised. He laughed, which hurt, and he looked up to her bundle of necklaces.

“Oh no.” He said and it almost sounded sad. She looked followed his eyes and let go of one end, catching as much of it as she could. She was ready to stumble, but she realized Erend was holding her entire weight, princess style, with little to no effort. She huffed and looked at the pile of… Nora rubbish in her lap.

“It’s fine. I don’t really care. Just the pendant and my focus.” She said, clipped but not angry. She sounded tired if he had to guess. He looked down to her leg that had been bleeding, now wrapped in her blue silk scarf stained with blood.

“We should get you to a healer.” He wheezed out. She laughed and tapped his shoulder lightly.

“I don’t think your ribs are doing any better. How about we just sit?” She asked instead of said. He had her in his hands… she couldn’t exactly move. He nodded with a sheepish smile, lowering her to the ground as softly as his body would let him. As he sat next to her, he watched her stretch out her legs. She let out a sigh and tossed the necklace bundle into the grass near the creek.

“Hey, I could have gotten those fixed for you.” He offered. She had been so light earlier… it turned into carelessness now? That wasn’t like Aloy.

“It’s fine. It’s just… reminders of who I’m not.” She smiled softly and he gave her a confused look, making her giggle a bit. She did feel lighter, even now in the grass with her scarf as a tourniquet. 

Most of her armor had been shredded under the plates, leaving her in tattered leggings, half of one single skirt flap, and a long sleeve woven top that had all but been burned most of the way off her right arm and half way off her left. Even the bottom hem of the top was tattered and the color was worn with stretched threads, hanging off her frame and down one shoulder. Even the shoes of her armor had been discarded, the leather full of holes and broken metal shards. The bright blue stood out against all of the dark brown on her body. Erend’s armor had stood up way better, only missing a few washers and one flap torn. All that and one large dent into his left side of his torso. She smiled wider and wiggled the toes of her left foot.

“Maybe I should have opted for Vanguard armor for this instead.” She joked and looked up to him. He looked pale. He was, in reality, extremely afraid for her health. Mental and physical. First she tosses her necklaces away like they were used machine parts, then her scarf is all bloody without the slightest care, and now she was laughing and looking at him like he was in on the joke. He was positive she had lost too much blood. 

“I’ve never seen you without anything around your neck. You look a lot smaller.” He said simply, unable to come up with something witty.

“Yeah, it’s easy to underestimate how someone looks when all they ever wear is armor.” She let out a breath and leaned back, laying in the grass. “Or what they’re like when all they do is run to answer questions. Or who they even are when their whole life has been lived from one second to the next.” Sure, Meridian was burning next to her, but it was all over. In her mind, that was all that mattered. Erend saw the angry red streak across her throat and swallowed hard.

“You get into a fight with a different necklace?” He asked and motioned to her scar when she lifted her head. She let her head fall back into the grass and looked to the clearing sky.

“Helis. The Proving.” She said simply, like she was talking about the weather. 

“Aloy, you need to see a healer. You’re not acting right. I’ll go find someone to come to you.” He made a motion to stand up but she reached out and grabbed his bracer to stop him.

“I’m sure we both need a healer, but I’m with it Erend. I’m fine.” She gave him a small smile and he sat back down. She lay back down in the grass and breathed easier. 

“You have to understand,” she started softly. “I’m not running anymore. I don’t have any answers to find… no more training. No more searching. I don’t have to do, well, anything. My life is suddenly… still. And as used to running as I am, I’m happy it’s standing still right now.” She paused and closed her eyes. “I thought I was living my life this whole time, but it feels like I’m breathing for the first time without restriction.” She hummed even as the pain of her leg and the ringing in her ears lingered. 

Erend tried to look at her with all of her past, or what he knew of it, framing her for this moment. This quiet moment after victory, laying in the grass like a kid and her hair strung around flowers and twigs.

“You and I need to have a very long talk sometime. I need to know… well, everything! I need to know more about your childhood so I can understand this!” He said with an exaggerated motion to her. She just grinned and closed her eyes again.

“Good luck, I don’t even understand some of what happened.” She looked up to him and he had creases on his forehead. She sighed and sat up, making sure her scarf was tight around her leg. With the reassurance, she rolled and hopped up onto her bare feet, her good leg bearing most of her weight.

“We’ll go together, yeah?” She said and reached a hand out for him. He took her hand and was pulled up quicker than he expected, letting out a hiss. “Oh yeah, that’s a good two or three ribs down.” She nodded to him.

“So small but still so strong.” He laughed out a bit, confused with the ease she lifted him with. She simply shrugged.

“Not dead yet.” She turned to head towards Meridian Proper and tilted a bit, feeling a sudden dizzy spell.

“Whoa there.” Erend was at her side and she frowned. She thought she was okay to walk. “Together, just like you said.”

They helped each other to a healer and it was oddly silent around them, the fires seemed to be blocked off from the little bubble they were in. They did enjoy their closeness, just not the predicament.

“I’m sorry I almost shot you.” She said with a smirk and looked up to him. His eyes were shining now, happy to be with her.

“I get it. You were still on edge.”

“It hadn’t sunk in yet that it was over.” She nodded. He hummed in acknowledgement. “Nice shot with the zipline by the way. I didn’t know you were good with anything except your hammer.” She said and he laughed, even if it hurt.

“Oh, don’t you sound interested?” He jested and shook his head.

“I am.”

He looked down to her but her face was soft and sincere. She motioned between the two of them and looked forward.

“I want to find out what we are.”

“We’re friends Aloy, if you can remember what that word is.” He joked, letting her inquiry roll off his shoulder. There wasn’t anyway she was talking about… feelings. That wasn’t something she talked about. At least, she hadn’t before.

“It’s more than that, and you know it.” She said, determined but not harsh. “Your side is crushed because you took a blow that was meant for me. No one fought harder up there than you. And saying you were just ‘doing what was right’ or ‘it was for everyone’ or any of that… it’s a lie. We were both up there and I prayed that you wouldn’t die.” He looked down to her at that, knowing religion was a touchy subject for her. “I don’t know if something heard me or if it's a coincidence…” She stopped and looked up at him, waiting for him to stop too. He looked into her eyes, solid yet clear in a way he had never seen, just like her resolve. “I won’t waste this Erend.” She paused and looked back to the blue spire, a shining knife in the sky. “I didn’t ask for my life, I asked for yours. I just happened to live through that hell with you.” She turned back to him and grasped his arm tighter, falling back into step with him. He gulped again but nodded a bit.

“Okay, yeah. Truth time? I like you.” He paused and didn’t dare look at her. “More than that. Way more than just a friend.” He dared a quick glance down to her and her face was a bit pink.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” She asked, her voice steady.

“You didn’t have the time for it. You had more important things to do than knowing I was pining over you while you were out saving forge knows who.” He almost spat the words out, the moment feeling… wrong. They entered Meridian then and someone yelled for a spare healer for the two of them.

Aloy looked up to him until he made eye contact again. “Remember when you said you were lucky to have one minute of my time? Well I was lucky to have any of yours. Lucky to live long enough to even meet you.” She paused as a healer fussed over arrangements for them. She looked at his red face, confusion mixing with the color. “There are a lot of things I should have said…” She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry and the air around her hot. He let her lay down on the cot a healer had shoved into the corner of a large tent for her but not leaving her side otherwise.

“Then  _ say _ them.” He looked at her, his voice a shade embarrassed. 

“We aren’t friends, Erend.” She looked up to him, defiance on her face. “We haven’t been friends since we took down Dervahl together.” She had to stop, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Do you know how hard it was to leave you after that? To run off and finish what I’d started, and leave you behind? I wanted you to come with me so badly.” A healer forced a thick red liquid down her throat, gave Erend the same liquid, and promptly left, having to move from patient to patient in the chaos. Thankfully their tent was empty. She nodded, remembering everything that had happened in the time between that and her coming back for the battle. 

“You would have had my back. And you would understand so much, Erend.” She looked back to him and his features turned soft, his good arm reaching out to push a stray piece of her wild hair behind her ear.

“Yeah I would have. We make a great team.” The tenderness in his voice wasn’t lost in the chaos around them. This wasn’t The Captain and the Savior of Meridian or Anointed, this was Erend from the Claim, and Aloy the outcast speaking to each other. “As for understanding anything, that’s a lost cause. I’m brute force, remember?” He smirked at her and she smiled softly.

“Yeah, but you’re smart too. Smarter than you think, or then you let on.” She toyed with the words in her mouth a bit before she said anything again. “When I left you on at the spire to greet Sona… I thought that would be the last time I ever saw you.” The air turned stiff between them.

“Me too.” He said almost in a whisper.

“I should have told you then. Or should have kissed you before I left. I should have given you something… What if I hadn’t made it? Not that it mat-”

She was cut off as his lips caught hers in a quick kiss, their lips stained red from the health drink. Her eyes instantly closed and enjoyed the small kiss, her lips trying to memorize his. He pulled away too fast. He was smiling ear to ear, both of their cheeks rosy.

“It does matter. I should have said something too, you’re not the only one with their tongue tied around here.” She smiled softly and laid back onto the cot easier, even if her heart was beating like a festival drum. 

“Erend, I really like you. I don’t know how else to say it because I’m not good with feelings or people in general. But I know I want to figure it out with you. I think I know the answer, but are you okay with that?”

“More than okay.” He leaned down and kissed her again, longer this time. It was languid because of their tired forms, but it still raised her temperature and her heart rate. He didn’t fare better, reaching to stroke her cheek before his lips left hers. He leaned back to sit in the chair next to her cot and hissed again, this time with a groan. 

“Maybe after some rest and healing.” She laughed out, her tank running on empty. He nodded and sighed when he found a comfortable position. 

“Yeah, that might be for the best.” He relaxed into the chair, feeling all the sleepless nights crash into at once. “Besides, you need stitches.”

“Exactly why I’m here.” A healer said as she entered the tent. Erend watched as the blue scarf was untied and unwrapped from her leg, the flesh cut so deeply that the wound sagged open.

“Damn Aloy,” He said and her eyes met his. “How are you still alive?” 

She laughed and closed her eyes. “I am so tired of that question.” He nodded and watched the healer pour water and all kinds of cleansers before he started with the sutures. He had two sets, one on the muscle itself, and another on the skin. After it was covered with salves and dressings, he gave her extra salve and dressings to take with her.

“Just don’t put your leg water until it's no longer red, such as a river, a lake, or even a bath.” The healer said with the last instruction to her and left the tent quickly. She sighed and looked down, her leggings had been cut up to the knee and ripped off, her dressing on her calf. 

“Well, taking a bath won’t be so hard at least.” She mused, trying to talk through the pain until the willow water kicked in. 

“I’m pretty sure I won’t get off that lucky without help. And I’ll be damned if I have a healer come to my house to bathe me.”

“Same here.” She looked to him and studied his face. She appreciated his handsome features and he watched her gorgeous eyes rove over him. 

“See something you like?” He asked with a small chuckle, but it didn’t phase her.

“Yeah, I do.” She blushed and closed her eyes. It was quiet for a while before another healer came in and gave Erend explicit instructions. Work leave, lifting restrictions, and yes, offers to help him clean himself until he was better.

“Hell no!” He stood and didn’t care when pain almost crippled his side. “I’ll stay home, sure, but I can clean myself.”

“And what about miss Aloy? Are you sure you’ll be able to take care of that leg while-”

“I’m gonna stop ya there.” Erend cut him off. “She’s had a pretty long day and I can promise you’d rather  _ not _ be on her shit list, of which she just cleared.” He sounded especially protective. “I will see her home and you will not follow.”

_ Follow _ … a word from eons ago to Aloy. She smiled as she watched Erend fend off the healer and she wished she could see Erend’s face. The healer looked terrified and nodded, backing out of the tent. Erend turned to her with a huff and she laughed a bit. 

“Ready to get some sleep?”

She nodded and sat up on the cot, the willow water starting to work. She instinctively took Erend’s hand the very second he held it out to help her stand. She blushed again and looked at their hands, then back up to him. They were in sync with each other… and it hit them both as hard as the first time they realized the same thing in battle all those weeks ago. Their eyes caught each other’s and she smiled.

“You have no idea.”

He nodded and helped her through to upper Meridian. When she tried to go towards Olin’s place, she was tugged in the opposite direction. She paused and looked to him with a silent question in her eyes. 

“Sorry, um…” He hesitated and shook his head as if shooing away all of his doubts. “Do you want to stay with me? I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not be alone after all of that.”

“No, I get it. I think… I’d like that.” She nodded and walked with him towards his house. It wasn’t too far, thankfully, and it wasn’t uncomfortably huge either. There was a bedroom upstairs, one on the main floor, along with a large bathroom, kitchen, and sitting area. He led her to a small couch and she sat immediately, feeling the ache in her bones for sleep. 

“Ohh, this feels good.” She smiled and wiggled slightly, the cushions so comfortable.

“I didn’t mean for you to sleep there you know. I was just going to grab you some of Ersa’s spare clothes so you can have a bath. Last thing you need is any other wounds on you getting infected.” He said and pointed to her torso that was covered, but knew it was littered with bruises and cuts. She frowned but nodded, watching him disappear behind her into his house. She was so tired her mind was empty, less the picture of their two kisses running on loop on her head. Eventually he came back and let his hand come out for her.

“Okay, bath water is nice and warm for you. There’s spare clothes in there and you can just toss those in the trash.” She nodded, too tired to fight him coddling her. He led her to the bathroom and over to the edge of the tub before letting go and closing the door behind him. 

She looked down and the water looked like a dream, striping the frayed clothing off her as quickly as she could. Her whole body ached but the promise of warm water to soothe her muscles kept her going. She hadn’t realized how little of her body was actually covered until the scraps were laying on the floor. She sighed and threw them in a bin for trash like he’d said, knowing now why he’d said it. She carefully sunk her body into the water without letting her leg in, draping it over the side. Erend had everything within her reach. Shampoo, Conditioner, Soap, and other things for the face. They must have been Ersa’s. She smiled and soaked her hair, taking out her braids and beads before reaching for the shampoo. As her bath went, she didn’t take long, scrubbing until the dirt was gone was pretty easy, minus her one leg. She took a rag and washed it as it dangled over the floor, rinsing it the same way. When she was sure she was clean she let the bath drain while running clean water from the faucet over her hair, combing out the last traces of braids, tangles, or anything she considered Nora. She rinsed her body with the same clean water once the tub was empty, trying to clean the tub for Erend. Surely he needed a bath too. 

When the tub was sparkling white again, she used a bar on the side to lift herself up, grabbing a towel. Aloy took the luxury that was time and dried herself slowly, her hair last. She combed it again, letting the thick hair fall around her in her natural soft waves. She dropped her towel to the ground to soak up the water her leg had dripped earlier. She was by no means a stuffy noble, but she would never trash Erend’s place, especially after his generous offer. She reached for the clothes and ended up grabbing a tank top, maybe one or two sizes too big. She didn’t care, she was just happy to have something clean. She pulled it over her head and tied it into a knot at her navel to gather the extra fabric. The pants were cotton shorts with a drawstring, thankfully. She put those on as carefully as she could before deciding she was done. When she exited the bathroom, a chill ran through her. She hadn’t realized how warm the bath had been. She hobbled over to the couch and let herself fall into the cushions.

“My turn?” A voice called from upstairs.

“All yours.” She replied, her eyes closed. She heard him come down the stairs and pause when he was about to walk passed her.

“Wow.” She opened her eyes and Erend looked like he was about to laugh at her. “I guess I need to go to Olin’s and get some of your clothes, you’re so scrawny.” He did laugh then and so did she.

“I only have armor. I’m fine wearing this, really.” She replied and looked back up to him. “Besides, I’m not scrawny, I’m lean. There’s a difference.”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Either way, you’re not supposed to sleep on the couch. I said that earlier.”

“Well I’m not sleeping with you. I know we like each other but that’s a little fast for me.” 

He looked like he was going to choke.

“No! That- that’s not what I meant. Ersa’s stuff is still here, including a bed. You’re welcome to it, considering it’s down here.” He took a breath and smirked a bit. “Especially if sleeping with me is that horrible of a thought.”

Aloy took a page from her own book and looked down, her face red.

“I said fast, not horrible.” She murmured and he nodded.

“Good to know.” He said and left her there with her face hot and neck growing pink. He took about as much time as she had, coming out in a white undershirt and dark, loose pants. His hair was still a little wet and flopped to the side. She smiled a bit and realized she thought he looked cute like this. 

“Ready to get some sleep?” He asked her as he looked down from behind the couch.

“I’m ready to have the best rest I’ve had in years.” She said as she swiveled and let her feet rest on the floor. 

Erend came around and she held a hand out for him to help her up. He paused and leaned down to her level, kneeling on one of his knees. His arms were blue and purple in so many places, large circles left behind from projectiles. They barely held her attention, just enough to notice, before his silver eyes were in front of her face. He was searching her eyes for something but she wasn’t sure what. Her face was relaxed and open, his hand slowly coming up to her cheek. She leaned into his warm palm slightly, surprising herself when her body acted without her permission. But Erend smiled softly at her, so she closed her eyes. She could feel his heartbeat against her cheek and it was steady. 

“Aloy?”

She opened her eyes but didn’t move. His eyes were soft. His entire expression was soft.

“Yeah?” She asked with a smile.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I should have said… something at least. Something blunt instead of hinting around.” He smiled back at her and gave her a curious look suddenly. “I was thinking about it when I was waiting for you, and then when I was getting myself clean too.”

“Thinking is dangerous.” She said softly and he rolled his eyes.

“Maybe, but I needed to. I needed to make sure it was clear when I said it.”

“Said what?” She raised an eyebrow.

“That I asked for someone to look over you too and to keep you safe. That I needed you to be okay.” She paused barely, just enough to take a breath. “That I love you.”

Her face turned red and her chapped lips parted, trying to breathe. She was going to say it back but he stopped her with his own lips. She closed her eyes instantly, her mind only focused on this moment in time. Her lips moved with his, knowing he probably had experience with this and not wanting to fall behind. He didn’t care. He was absolutely lost in her. Kissing her like this had been something only obtainable in dreams and now she was here, readily accepting him and giving back. The thought of that alone made his heart race, his body inching closer to her. Aloy’s hand came up to his hair and stroked it back, her touch gentle and slightly hesitant. It seemed like they stayed there for eternity, locked is a soft, loving kiss. Erend pulled away first, just far enough to see her flushed face and neck. They shared a smile and her hand slid from his hair, down his cheek, and then under his chin, physically holding his gaze. He couldn’t look away if he wanted to. Her waves had dried a bit, surrounding her in a blanket of copper. He had never seen so much of her skin at once. Her shoulders, her neck, arms, and of course, her amazing chest were all exposed from the loose clothing. He could see the freckles all over her out of his peripherals, but he was much more focused on her eyes. She looked slightly scared but excited, like she was about to jump off a cliff into a lake. Her hand was barely holding his chin but the touch was deeper than the surface.

“I love you too.”

He was flushed at the very words, but he didn’t move otherwise.

“You sure?” He asked with a crooked grin. She smiled and nodded.

“I don’t know much, but I know that whatever the rest of this life has for me, I want you in it.”

“You know a lot. And...you have me.” She smiled and he leaned in to kiss her again, this time slightly deeper. She was more than okay with that, feeling her body melt under him. The moment his tongue touched hers she let out the most erotic moan she’d ever heard herself make and he stopped. He pulled back and her eyes were wide.

“That wasn’t…” She didn’t know what to say, her flush running down under the hem of her clothes. He just smiled and stood, pulling his hand from her cheek and offering it for stability. She took it and stood, letting him lead her to her bed for the night. When she was seated on the bed he kissed her forehead. 

“You need some rest. We can… ‘talk’ more later.” He said with a small smile. She let her smile go wide and laughed a bit, grabbing his shirt and pulling him down for one more kiss. She didn’t hold back and neither did he, hearing himself make a noise this time before breaking apart. He was red and she smiled, biting her lip.

“Like I said… later.” He cleared his throat and felt his ribs ache for the first time since he’d gotten out of the bath. 

He ran his hand through her hair before she lay back, his hands reaching for the covers to help her and then lingering on her own hand. They shared a long and silent look. A look that was clear, an understanding and a promise. He’d be there in the morning and so would she. She meant what she said and so did he. It wasn’t something that needed to be said this time. He headed towards the door and before he closed it, he looked back to her.

“Goodnight Erend.”

“Night Aloy.”

He saw her eyes sparkle in the dim light and he felt his heart race. That look she was giving him, with her eyes open and her face more relaxed than he’d ever seen it, she looked… free. He nodded to himself and closed the door behind him.

He was right in a way. Aloy was free. She closed her eyes and didn’t think about anything except the racing of her heart and the feel of Erend’s skin on hers, willing to wait for more experiences with him. Things she used to refuse herself to think about because there wasn’t time. Now though? Now she had all the time in the world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for waiting so long! Please comment so I know what you liked/disliked about this story!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! I know chapters 1 and 2 were like a broken record, but it was necessary to get us through to chapter 3 where we can FINALLY have fun. Please leave comments below on how you take it, and kudos are always appreciated!


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